Experiencing The Reality Of God
My name is Vanessa Quek, I’m 21 years old this year. My parents are Henry and Celestin and my siblings are Jonathan and Abigail.
Without God
Growing up, I always deemed myself to be a ‘good girl’. I did well in school and was often praised by my teachers and relatives for being hardworking. In church, I could answer Bible questions correctly and went for all the camps. Even so, God was not a part of my life, He was merely Someone mentioned in Bible stories.
Upon entering Junior College in 2013, I made new friends quickly and started getting caught up with many school activities. I began doing very poorly in school but always thought that there were others doing far worse than me. So I continued to focus on having fun, staying out late and hanging out with friends very often. At the end of my first year in JC, I failed and had to be retained. I felt so ashamed, I couldn’t even talk to anyone about it. I even went to talk to the principal to give him reasons to promote me. I didn’t understand how this could happen to me. I questioned and reasoned with God. Failure had never affected me this much before.
A God of Second Chances
That same year I retained, I attended Youth Conference and the theme for that conference was entitled ‘Called’. During the camp, I learned about the general call to salvation in Christ and questioned myself to why I wasn’t responding well to this call. I wasn’t even conscious of this calling nor was I conscious of God at all. I had to check the state of my heart very seriously. I realised I had assumed faith and had no personal faith to speak of.
Feeling troubled, I turned to Pastor Mitch. After pouring everything out, his reply was one word, “pride”. Realisation hit me, that the sin of pride was what made me so hardened towards God. I felt so overwhelmed but I hid my tears because I didn’t want people to see. Yet Pastor Mitch said, “Why do you still hold on to your pride? Go back to your room now and pray.” I did just that.
I took that moment to pray and reflect. Feeling deeply humbled, I thanked God for being merciful to me, for not giving up on me and for calling me back to Himself though I was far away from Him. It was then that 2 Timothy 2:13 came alive to me,
‘If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.’
I could have gotten so lost in my pride that I might not even return to Him. I didn’t even know that I had the sin of pride in me. It dawned on me that retaining could be a necessary lesson for me to learn and the only lesson impactful enough to make me wake up. In response to this call, I wanted to return to God for restoration. I wanted to Him to heal this broken relationship.
A Relationship with God
Since that camp, I desired to develop this relationship with the Lord by studying the Lord’s word more diligently and taking quiet-time more seriously. I also became more aware of the many sin problems in my life. Upon discovering a new sin problem, I would harp over it a lot and pray for forgiveness countless of times because I was worried whether God would even hear. This became a vicious cycle and I had to be reminded by this verse, Romans 8:1-2:
‘There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.’
In His mercy and love, God hears prayers. He doesn’t expect me to be perfect but that I acknowledge my sinful ways to Him and attempt to walk in His ways. I had to learn to stop feeling bad about myself. So as each new sin arose, I sought to deal with it. I sought the Lord’s grace to help me change.
Instead of keeping to my old ways, I sought to be obedient to God’s voice and walk worthy of my calling as His child. As I did so, I became more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. I could catch myself when I felt pride or laziness creeping in. These were things I was ignorant to in the past but now I can see things better. No more was I going to harden my heart, I was going to be obedient as it is said in 1 Peter 1:13-16
‘Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy”. ‘
God’s Great Love
In Jeremiah 31:3 it reads:
‘The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love, therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.” ‘
I stand amazed at God’s love for me. Despite having a hardened heart and sinning again and again, yet He loves me. Such is the greatness of the Lord’s love.
It is in Bethany where I experienced the reality of God which I do not take for granted. I do not have an outstanding relationship with God. I still falter and sin. Nevertheless, it is the love of God which compels me to follow Him. Taking this step of reaffirmation is my personal pledge to be faithful and obedient to the Lord’s voice.
