My Journey to Finding Faith
Hi everyone, my name is Rebecca and I am 19 years old this year.
Growing up
I was fortunate enough to be born into a loving and God-fearing family who brought me to Bethany II as a baby. I grew up attending church faithfully every week and it was in Bethany that I made lasting friendships. I loved attending church on Sundays, but to me, it was just a ‘given’ that I had to set aside my weekends to be at church. It wasn’t a conscious choice that I made, but instead just what I’d had always known to do. I However as I grew up, I struggled with feeling like attending church was merely routine-like and never truly appreciated what I had while growing up in Bethany till much later.
Faith to me
My journey to faith in Christ was not a single dramatic turning point but instead one that was slow and inconsistent. I struggled with moments where I felt as if I had no inclination to hear God’s Word and like I was oblivious to what God was trying to teach me. I was able to give answers that sounded good but my heart was so hardened to God that very few lessons stuck with me and I couldn’t see how the bible lessons I learnt could be applied in my life. Nevertheless, I kept coming. Through these periods of doubt and questioning, the Lord graciously continued to reach out to me with little reminders to keep seeking. Gradually, some lessons here and there started standing out to me and I grasped and held on to these lessons tightly. I found myself trying to walk closer to God by watching my conduct. As Pastor Mitch once described, I started figuring out how the lessons that I had learnt all linked to one another, just like a puzzle. I began to grow in knowledge of God’s Word slowly… but I was merely content with thinking that I was fine just attending church weekly and never had any sense of urgency to grow my faith in a concrete way. In my head, I always had the idea that “I’ll know for sure when I’m older” or even “I still have so many years to figure it out it’s fine”. I was contented in having a tiny, ‘lazy’ and insignificant faith, that did not ground me when I faced difficulties.
Studying overseas
I moved over to Perth in 2016, to study Occupational Therapy in Curtin University. Moving to Perth by myself was daunting and I didn’t know what to expect from life there. I had a small weak faith and little knowledge of God’s Word but I determined to grow my faith in Bethel. I sought to be a good testimony for Him and to always keep learning. It seemed to be all going well, until I had a huge wake-up call (from my lack of urgency to grow my faith) during one Catechism class in Bethel where Pastor Chris asked me what my definition of faith was. It was then that I realised I had no clue, I genuinely had no ‘good’ answers to give anymore and I had no actual definition of faith. The searching in my heart continued and I faced a lot of uncertainty from questioning whether faith was even real to me. However, with the Lord’s timing, the next Youth Conference that I attended in 2017 was where I was taught and was finally able to make sense of and understand my own working definition of faith. It comes from Romans 5:1-5, which reads, “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God…” I have taken this as my working definition of faith, not just theoretically but also personally in my life. God’s love poured out to us, through His son, such that it reached even me (who didn’t even have any sense of urgency to grow my tiny faith) and yet allowed me to be reconciled with and have peace with God and even a relationship with Him! I held this dearly to my heart and sought to continue to press on with the goal of being able to love God with my whole heart and to remained focused on the growth of my faith.
God as my first love
In university, I was flustered and swayed by influences—by other students stressing about failing exams, about attaining internships and the best experiences to put on their resume that I got caught up with chasing grades and more clinical experience. As a result, my focus on growing my faith began to take a backseat. I started feeling empty again and far from God. I lacked wisdom in the choices that I made, and focused on the world and what I could gain from pursuing successes. Through all this, I can’t help but thank God that He continually reached out to me and never ever gave up on me even as my heart was distracted. A verse that really spoke to me then was 2 Timothy 2:12-13, which reads, “If we deny Him, He also will deny us. If we are faithless, He remains faithful…”. I thank God that He remained faithful even when I wasn’t. God’s love spoke to me and allowed me to see the darkness that was in my heart and all my sins and transgressions against His will, but yet His grace and mercy abounds more than I can even imagine. He helped me realise that faith was not at all about me, not anything that I can ever achieve, but instead about who He is – His grace, how He understands my struggles, His love and so much more.
Continuous journey of faith
Seeking reaffirmation for me is a response that I want to make to embark on my journey of faith, to dedicate my life to Him and that I may continue to yield myself to God for Him to continue His work in me and to have a stronger faith that one day I may be “a vessel for honour, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work” (2 Timothy 2:21).
This Christmas has been a very meaningful and special time for me, being with the Lord in preparation for reaffirmation and experiencing much joy. As I look onward to starting the new year, I’m challenged deeply and am truly humbled to seek to have a broken and contrite spirit and a deeper love for God’s Word.
Written by Rebecca Toong